INTERDIMENSIONAL FLUFF REPORT #01-SPARKIE
BUREAU OF DOMESTICATED ANOMALIES • SPARTA, MI MONITORING OUTPOST
ANOMALOUS SOUNDBOARD
SPARTA REALITY DRIFT:
00.00%
TOP SECRET // SPARKIE CLEARANCE
|
SUBJECT: SPARKIE
TRUE ENTITY: Trans-Temporal Multiverse Traveler
CHOSEN AVATAR: Regal Black-and-White Tuxedo Feline ANCHOR MECHANISM: Crossed Paws (Locks timeline coordinate) EARLIEST MICHIGAN CITATION: The Sentinel-Leader • March 1942 (Page 4) CHIEF RESEARCHER: Caroi Holmes-Knrtz (Sparta, MI) |
SURREAL HAZARD MEMORANDUM • OMEGA-SPARTA PROTOCOL #42
- NOTICE: Do not shake a treat bag in the vicinity of the Sparta apple orchards unless you are prepared to receive visits from past, present, and parallel versions of Sparkie simultaneously.
- OBSERVATION: When Sparkie enters his crossed-paw stance, clocks in Sparta, MI run 0.0004% slower than the rest of North America. This is completely normal and preserves local fruit freshness.
- THE QUILT ANOMALY: If you crawl under the floral quilt in Caroi’s guest room, you will not find the mattress—you will find the control deck of an interdimensional star cruiser currently docking over Ancient Egypt.
▶ HOW TO CONNECT TO THE COOL FLUFFY CAT:
Caroi’s telemetry has verified the ultimate truth: Sparkie has not departed Sparta.
He has condensed his presence into a localized, physical radio sphere operating at 2.4 Gigahertz. The global internet cannot reach his workspace—he exists inside an offline beacon.
[ PHYSICAL ACCESS PROTOCOL ]
1. Physically enter the vicinity of Sparkie's transmitter beacon.
2. Open your device's Wi-Fi settings and locate the network:
»» Cool Fluffy Cat ««
3. Connect to the network (no password required).
4. Navigate your web browser to: coolfluffycat.com
* The beacon will intercept the request and transport you directly into the secret Infinite Pulse Canvas on the other side of reality.